all i can do
i have a plan and a way to implement the plan. i have a life direction and its pointing north and its pointing at certain people and not at others and i know i created it for myself but now that i have thoroughly confused myself i feel like i’m being swept along in a current i can’t control. i feel as though i’m just. watching. all. this. happen…
i feel the gasping, suffocating distance and a rising panic when i think of it, but all i can do is trust anyways. especially now that i can’t remember the reasons for these choices and now i’m left with them and wondering if they’re right. can’t i just stay? can’t i just wait for you? can’t we just be together when we’re together and when we’re not i’ll preoccupy myself with wishing we were?
no. you can’t stay anywhere for anyone.
i could. for you.
no. you’ll kill yourself with whiskey and restlessness.
this is all i can do now. all i can do is keep going in the direction that i’ve chosen. its hard because now you’re feeling all the things i was feeling and i’m feeling all the things you were feeling and its all i can do to try to remember why i am doing any of these things at all.
